The Panicking Lily [ShizMai fiction fun from Zweifel!]

Luu Sky Sapphire wrote:YES! I HAVE MY READING MATERIAL FOR TONIGHT! Sorry I didn't read sooner, Zwei-Bird! I had a long weekend at Setsucon 2014. Time to buckle down with ShizMai~ Review coming soon here. For review spam, I'll dust off my account and copy/paste on your ff.net page.

Zweifel Marguerite wrote:Yay, finally somebody from the forum is checking it out as well! xDD

And I knew about you going to Setsucon, so I didn't expect you to read it until you got back. :)So it's fine.

Thank you for wanting to make a review. It's not necessary to go to ff.net to make one, I would much rather prefer receiving reviews on this thread, since it is much easier to reply that way. >:3

Luu Sky Sapphire wrote:

Zweifel Marguerite wrote:Yay, finally somebody from the forum is checking it out as well! xDD

And I knew about you going to Setsucon, so I didn't expect you to read it until you got back. :)So it's fine.

Thank you for wanting to make a review. It's not necessary to go to ff.net to make one, I would much rather prefer receiving reviews on this thread, since it is much easier to reply that way. >:3

If you say so, Zwei! You're the first person from ff.net to say they prefer reviews somewhere else. Anyway, first I have to say that your story is a nice take on Mai-HiME/Otome mixed with Strawberry Panic elements. The three academy idea alone sets up for endless possibilities and character relationships. Some of which you listed in the disclaimer. The story started off without it's main character and that pleased me to no end. In all existing Mai-Series, we always see the main character introduction from the start. Here we get a sneak peek at the inner workings of Mashiro's academies and Sara. Can't go wrong with Sara as this universe's Kaichou. The entire beginning with Mai passing out from meeting Shizuru was really cute. One of the best aspects you've given to the story is Akane, I swear. Is she always going to be played as Mai's Tamao? Their interaction is a lot of fun; I was bordering on head-canon shipping these two before remembering that Shizuru will eventually win Mai's heart. X3 Shizuru's flashback in "Troublesome" was also very well done. It had an air of mystery to it.

You also have a gift for describing clothing, feelings and environment. Keep it up, Zwei-Bird!

franticfranz wrote:Zwei-bird! I just read the first chapter of your story! It's very promising! ^_^

franticfranz wrote:Zwei-bird! I just read the first chapter of your story! It's very promising! ^_^

Luu Sky Sapphire wrote:It's just that Strawberry Panic's Nagisa x Tamao subtext was always tinkered around with. And now with Mai and Akane wonderful chemistry in your story, I have a feeling we *might* get a three way romance going. :3 Oh yeah, I didn't mention this in my review: THANK YOU FOR BEING ABLE TO WORK MISS MARIA IN THERE! Strawberry Panic had their own Maria Graceburt type, only she didn't get much screen time. X3

franticfranz wrote:Zwei-bird! I just read the first chapter of your story! It's very promising! ^_^

Quite! Despite cries of OOC, Zwei-Bird sticks rather true to the source material of both anime series. It feels true, but "arranged" if that makes sense.

Zweifel Marguerite wrote:Miss Maria is not the main character of all, but it would be such a shame not to include her in the story! I would miss a golden opportunity that way. The best character of the teaching cast, alongside with Midori and Yukariko. :3

Zweifel Marguerite wrote:https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10036229/6/The-Panicking-Lily

I am happy to say that I am back with a new part of chapter 2. A rather short part, but it's a build-up for the next - final part of chapter 2, which is going to be very full of things.

Zweifel Marguerite wrote:https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10036229/6/The-Panicking-Lily

I have updated the content of the previous part of the chapter. Basically, I replaced it with a better version.

But more importantly - I have the next part up!

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10036229/7/The-Panicking-Lily

It is NOT the final part of Chapter 2 as I had promised, and the main reason is the fact that this part would have been way too long if I left it like one piece, so I split it in half. Part 4 is the final one, though, no joking here.

Luu Sky Sapphire wrote:

Zweifel Marguerite wrote:https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10036229/6/The-Panicking-Lily

I have updated the content of the previous part of the chapter. Basically, I replaced it with a better version.

But more importantly - I have the next part up!

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10036229/7/The-Panicking-Lily

It is NOT the final part of Chapter 2 as I had promised, and the main reason is the fact that this part would have been way too long if I left it like one piece, so I split it in half. Part 4 is the final one, though, no joking here.

I'm relieved that you split Chapter 2 in many parts, Zwei-Bird. When I see an entire Encyclopedia of text, I start losing interest. XD Just being honest here. 'Lily' is nicely structured so it's a more relaxing reading experience. My thoughts coming soon! Already promoted the newest content and chapter updates on MM Facebook.

  

Zweifel Marguerite wrote:That's the exact reason! Large walls of text make me very upset, for some odd reason, and I do not want my fanfiction to be an upsetting piece of work. It is supposed to be a story, a balanced one of relaxation and a bit of humour and other things. Long texts instantly remind me of work and school, which is unpleasant, so I tend to separate them into decently sized chapters. It's not like the length of the story changes, it is just separated nicely.

I can't wait to hear your thoughts! And thank you so much for promoting my work. I didn't even knew you did that! :D Thank you. It really means a lot. :)

Zweifel Marguerite wrote:LEGIT DOUBLE POST, BECAUSE THE LAST PART OF CHAPTER 2 IS UP!

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10036229/8/The-Panicking-Lily

It's longer than usual, and Mai is extra goofy there, so you better enjoy it! ;P also, we get to meet Harukino, Nina, Erstin, Arika and Okuzaki-chan (who is suspiciously okay with being friends with someone), so it doubles the whole fun! WOO-HOOO! And, of course, Shizuru being her regular self.

Luu Sky Sapphire wrote:
As usual, I had an absolute joy reading what are now the remaining parts for The Panicking Lily's second chapter; Troublesome. The revised part 2 felt more complete than before. Unless my memory is bad, this revised edition has a tad more Sara involvement. Maybe it's just me, but I could've sworn she had an extra line or two this time.

Part 3 of Troublesome was a lot of fun to read as Zweifel captured the essence of Sunrise. Yes, Strawberry Panic is one half of the inspirations that gave birth to The Panicking Lily, but with the constant flirting going on in this chapter, it felt more like Mai-Otome's writing. With a few exceptions, the girls in Strawberry Panic, preferably the younger ones, were more friendly than flirty to each other.

Here we get some clever banter between Chie and Sara which made me feel like they were seconds away from having rough sex.

You have no idea how I laughed when I read this part. :D Now...them having rough sex in the second chapter of the story is a bit of a way too optimistic thought, but we'll see where that charming interaction goes.

Now there's a cameo by Miyu Greer and I have to ask the author...she's not an android in this version, is she? *wink*

I am very happy to say that she isn't. :D But, as always, she is going to be with Alyssa most of the time. And Alyssa actually has a plot role in this! So stay tuned.

Arika reveals that Mai is her cousin in this canon. A clever move as they're main characters and being related brings them even closer.

"We may have several Tomoes here"

There's a scary thought!

After that, Royal Windbloom's Kaichou, Haruka Armitage rises from the ashes to rant about...something!

:Armitage:Timechairs, damn them all!
It's timetables, Haruka-chan...
Ah, you will see our lovely Haruka ranting most of the time, and the humour point is that Sara almost never considers her rants as something important enough.

Sara on the hand is more concerned about Shizuru lately and thinks she hasn't been herself.

  : Well, apparently she wasn't concerned about Shizuru that much if she spent most of her time staring at me~
  : I swear, Chie, you are testing my limited patience here...

Thanks to her clumsiness (which Zwei writes as a character in itself), Mai found herself in Shizuru's bosom. Though an unexpected embarrassment, Mai found it an exhilarating stroke of luck.

I am very proud that clumsiness is one of her main traits, as it is much fun to work with. :D
  : Ugh...
  : Ara, ara~ There is no need to be upset about that~

Fantastic chapter to sort of establish as many key characters as possible. Mai is likable and Sara has all the traits of a leading woman herself. I look forward to more.

Zweifel Marguerite wrote:
It was more of a subconscious move, really. I had to have a way to introduce Lena and the rest of parent side to the story and to have a reason to concentrate on Arika as well. As you can see, everyone who has a plot point in the story is actually connected with Mai in some way or another - Takumi (brother), Akane (roommate), Shizuru (the obsessive maniac), Chie (her Oneesama). So, basically, when the plotline of Chie starts to appear, Aoi and Akira will appear as well, Sara too. Yukino has a separate point as well, which leads to Haruka development and teaching staff. So, basically, it is a way to tell a small story about everyone in the fic while still remaining concentrated on Mai, and I had to connect Arika and Lena to Mai as well, so idea of them being actually relatives immediately popped up, and I took an instant liking to it. :) Or else, if I speak of anyone not connected to Mai, it instantly seems out of place.

Luu Sky Sapphire wrote:

Zweifel Marguerite wrote:
It was more of a subconscious move, really. I had to have a way to introduce Lena and the rest of parent side to the story and to have a reason to concentrate on Arika as well. As you can see, everyone who has a plot point in the story is actually connected with Mai in some way or another - Takumi (brother), Akane (roommate), Shizuru (the obsessive maniac), Chie (her Oneesama). So, basically, when the plotline of Chie starts to appear, Aoi and Akira will appear as well, Sara too. Yukino has a separate point as well, which leads to Haruka development and teaching staff. So, basically, it is a way to tell a small story about everyone in the fic while still remaining concentrated on Mai, and I had to connect Arika and Lena to Mai as well, so idea of them being actually relatives immediately popped up, and I took an instant liking to it. :) Or else, if I speak of anyone not connected to Mai, it instantly seems out of place.

It was a good move, really. Unlike Strawberry Panic, I'd like to explore these revised Mai-Otome characters more and what kind of people grew up with them and raised them. Gives them a lot more depth. We never get to see the outside world much in Strawberry Panic either, so the idea of flashbacks (like Mai's past) can work in your story.

Everyone should be connected to Mai in some way. I'd like to think she's the character that changes everybody's lives as the story deepens. But yes, I greatly enjoyed your works and your recent commentary.  I'm telling you right now, Sara x Chie (or will it be the other way around? I dunno! Sara should be the seme again~) is my current OTP for Lily. Passion-wise. I know you'll write ShizMai eloquently enough for me to root for them as the romantic-wise couple.

Btw Zwei-( . )( . )-Bird, I'll be announcing a chatbox gathering this weekend. Hopefully you'll show up on the two chosen dates.  

There are going to be several Shizuru flashbacks as well! Don't worry, some back story will always appear.

That is the way to define Mai! She is the one to change everyone around her for the better.

Hallargher (Chie x Sara) is my OTP as well! I just love them so much. I am honestly not sure who is actually seme in this one. I think this is one of pairs where it seriously depends on the setting and the atmosphere. Usually, of course, Chie is the annoying tease, but, as the relationship progresses, I can surely imagine Sara going all like ''Hey, bitch, I'll take the lead'' take Chie by surprise. xD So it seriously depends on what is going on in the story. Makes the pair very dynamic.

Yay, a chatbox gathering! I am looking forward to that, and I really hope I will be able to attend!