Re: The Ima no Kimochi wa nani?! or What are you feeling RIGHT NOW?! PART 10!

by **Lerena** Thu Apr 26, 2018 12:56 pm

I feel like my boyfriend and I spend too much time together and it took me like 2 months to come to this realization, because I've never felt like I need space in a relationship before. However, since I've never needed space away from my romantic partner before now, the feeling of needing it kept building and building until the present situation began.

I'm going insane to the point that I can't even have a normal conversation about this situation without being given the time to adequately recover. It's becoming harder and harder to say anything to him or even discuss him as a topic with other people. Even just thinking about him is stressing me out. I think I need to spend some time away from him so I can cool off and then properly address this problem with him.

by **Luu Sky Sapphire** Fri Apr 27, 2018 3:05 pm

Lerena wrote:I think I need to spend some time away from him so I can cool off and then properly address this problem with him.

You'll need it, Lerena. Women usually process the shit out of their personal relationship issues before moving onto the next phase. Just make sure you're 100% level headed when addressing the problem with him. Do it too soon, and it'll blow up in your face. No fault of your own, but there's a high chance he'll whatever's on your mind personally.

---

Feeling excited for the entire weekend! We'll be watching quality entertainment, the new virtual theater that opened in downtown and fancy dining, while the rest of the planet shoves one another for Avengers Infinity War movie seating. So happy I haven't been suckered into this franchise, no matter how hard it tried. For those who agree with me, I swear on my life that Marvel used to be great! I know that's hard to believe, but it's true. One title for proof: Marvel vs. Capcom 2: New Age of Heroes.

All ruined by the corporate House of Mouse.

by **Lerena** Fri May 04, 2018 11:13 pm

Feeling surprisingly less stressed considering the day I've had. My boyfriend got pissed off at me and this conversation led to hours of me talking to him about my issues and how I think I need to be alone more often for a while. He didn't respond well to that and I almost exploded on him. His behavior and his words pissed me off so badly that I think I was pushed to anger so intense that I didn't have enough fucks to hold back how pissed off I was.

Normally, when I vent, I at least stay in a somewhat reasonable mindset and I'm not just screaming about a bunch of shit and going batshit over anything. Well, I was definitely screaming and going batshit in the message I was typing. And then after I was done typing it, I was suddenly not pissed off and I didn't feel stressed anymore. I ended up not sending it.

Even considering my boyfriend's reaction, I didn't expect to randomly feel better from being pushed to anger that was bad enough to make me type the text equivalent of exploding with stress-fueled anger.

I'll admit though that I even told him that I had no idea how to relieve this stress. Maybe I accidentally found out when my filter was turned off for like 3 minutes. I definitely pride myself on having the self-control to not scream at people just because I'm angry and maybe this experience is some kind of indication as to the cause of my actual stress, which seems to be my filter and how often I focus on thinking things through with not so much time spent on emotional expression. This goes for all emotions though, not just anger. I've never been that emotionally expressive. For a while, my depression was affecting that, then fatigue, then anhedonia, then I was normal for like a couple months, and then I was emotionally blunted again. So, my emotional expression hasn't always been at the top of my priority list. I'm not very good at talking about my feelings, especially when sometimes I can't figure out what they are. It seems maybe I've been focused on too much self-restraint and not enough on emotional release.

I wonder if this problem has also been making it hard for me to write anything. Writing things is my healthy outlet for a lot of stuff.

by **Akamanto** Sun May 06, 2018 12:11 am

Excited... Apprehensive...

by **Lerena** Mon May 07, 2018 11:33 pm

I'm feeling socially exhausted and I'm taking extreme measures to recharge my introvert batteries. This means I'm withdrawing into total isolation for a while. The next 6 days will be a huge challenge for me, but I must take it seriously and do my absolute best to stick to my word. My health will significantly improve from being willing to do this. And 6 days shouldn't be too much time to be alone. It'll go by fast, I'm sure. Now I just have to make sure this time is spent being productive and not sitting around thinking about how bored I am.

by **ShadowMikoto** Sat May 12, 2018 1:06 am

Akamanto wrote:Longing for May 22nd! I just want to be free! Wann werde ich frei sein! Hilf mir! (´□`●)

ShadowMikoto wrote:No you see they had contracted right to sell my merchandise because I sold it to them (I sold a bunch of my stuff due to reasons I'd rather not dwell upon again to a thrift store in my hometown.) Because anime merchandise is not overly popular where I live... There's only a population of like 140,000 where I'm from, so they put up the stuff I sold to them for an even less expensive price than what they are worth on online anime shops like Amazon.ca. I was able to recover 11 anime's for 176.00 that would have easily cost me over 600.00 online.
That's extremely fortuitous! I'm glad you were able to recover them.

Thanks so much! ^^ I will never let them go again, and since then my anime collection has been beginning to grow a little more.

---

I'm feeling relaxed. Tonight was my first day off from work, so I spent the majority of the day watching anime. I'm now at 350 completed series! yay! Mikoto Minagi

by **Luu Sky Sapphire** Mon May 21, 2018 2:30 pm

Feeling excited! Even better now that a new date is about to be set for the members who missed out on the first Mai-HiME Rewatch session! Check the announcements soon, guys! Feels

by **Akamanto** Thu May 24, 2018 12:39 pm

ShadowMikoto wrote:Thanks so much! ^^ I will never let them go again, and since then my anime collection has been beginning to grow a little more.

I've started to keep a lot of anime digitally, so I know the feeling of having a great anime collection that you love and can go back to at any time.

As for myself... I'm finally free! I have free time! I'm so excited! I've gone back to some of my abandoned translations to finish them up to practice getting back into the HiME stuff. (╯✧∇✧)╯ Updating my Kimi ga Ita Monogatari translation, first. Thinking of including some translation notes to clarify why I made certain decisions in translating them, which will (hopefully!) make engaging with my translations a little more illuminating.

I'm not sure if anyone reads those translation notes, though; I'm just accustomed to them in reading translations of ancient works and poetry and such, so any translation without them feels threadbare... Plus, I think it really helps non-Japanese speakers get a better grasp of the original. Sometimes translations can feel very definitive, like, "this is what this line means and this is the way to interpret it", when there's actually a lot of ambiguity or uncertainty in the original meaning that the translator hasn't properly communicated.

Heheh... Light novels are a fun challenge, but I get so excited about translating poetry and songs, especially if those songs are by Kajiura... Woe betide anyone who has to listen to me while the translations are in-progress. Kimi ga Ita Monogatari was such a lovely thing to think about. ( ” •̀ ل͜ •́ ”)

by **Lerena** Mon May 28, 2018 8:25 pm

I've been feeling a bit stressed out lately, because my crying privileges have been taken away from me. Well, technically, I can still cry. It's just physically painful to do so while my eyes are still healing. Thing is, if my eyes water, that's instant pain. It doesn't matter if my eyes are watering from tears or not. At least the second allergy medication has helped with the itching so hopefully my eyes will finally heal and I can get my eyes checked.

Every time my eye starts hurting, I get random flashbacks to that scene where Nao's eye got damaged.

by **ShadowMikoto** Tue May 29, 2018 2:55 pm

I'm feeling like I'm always trying to push the darkness of my alter ego apart from me. I've been feeling dark and sad, but at the same time I've been forcing that side of me into submission so that I can see the more brighter and shinier things of life. I've already come to terms with my dependency on specific medications, even though I don't normally like how I feel on them. I've been just trying to live with myself with the best motives and intentions. Trying, once again, to push out the side of me that I dislike the most. The side that's always dark and down. But I've been feeling more happier and confident, even slightly more on a social level. So all in all I've been feeling good because I can see that I am becoming a stronger person.

by **Lerena** Sat Jun 09, 2018 12:01 am

I think maybe I'm repressing something. As for what I'm repressing, I suspect grief that has been repressed since childhood. While I don't think I'm still grieving over the same person that led to me repressing my grief in the first place, it's pretty likely that a more recent death has not been properly processed and dealt with. I'm hoping that I go back to normal if I spend some time grieving. The way I'm functioning right now isn't that bad. Most people probably can't tell that I still feel a bit off. I can tell. I just can't put it into words.

Well, grief is not the most enjoyable emotion to be dealing with, but I also can't be sure that's the issue I'm picking up on. I am basically grasping at straws here. The issue is very, very subtle and there are people that know me that can't tell worth a damn that anything is wrong since they've only known me as long as this shit has been going on.

Overall, it feels like I have less fun than I used to. It feels like I can't properly enjoy anything and not in the sense that I have anhedonia or I'm depressed. I react like I'm enjoying something. The enjoyment just isn't being truly felt from the inside. Nothing fulfills me.

No matter what I'm dealing with right now, it's going to take longer than I'd like to recover and seriously enjoy life again.

by **ShadowMikoto** Sat Jun 09, 2018 2:56 pm

I'm feeling kind of emotionless on the medication I'm taking. Like I don't have as much care about things as I use too. It's just really hard to feel anything, but this also includes negative thoughts and depression. I really just don't care on this medication lol.

The only problem I detect with it is that the overall quality of life has become dull. When I'm watching anime I don't feel much from it anymore, when I'm out with people I don't feel connected with them as much. Everything just feels kind of dead lol.

The only benefit I see from it is that I don't have any emotion of depression. Some agitation some of the time, but next to no feelings at all. I just feel 'there.'

Overall though I don't mind this because I don't have to stress over the feelings of unwanted emotions as much. I think it's actually better this way the more I think about it.

by **Lerena** Mon Jun 18, 2018 10:53 pm

I'm feeling frustrated that my eyes still haven't healed yet, but it was recently suggested to me that perhaps my eyes are dry and that's why they keep getting red like this. So, I went to Google, and this is probably true. My eyes being dry is quite likely the issue. Another person once mentioned that maybe I should try eye drops. I was reluctant to use any before, because I have the worst pain tolerance to speak of. Well, it's not really possible to properly deal with my emotional issues and return to normal if my eyes do the non-verbal version of screaming whenever I so much as even yawn too many times. Hopefully, these eye drops won't hurt too much. I'm a wimp when it comes to pain. I really don't want my eyes to get worse so I'll have to deal with it. Granted, on the box, it says to see a doctor if I experience eye pain with this product.

by **Luu Sky Sapphire** Fri Jun 22, 2018 4:28 pm

(╯✧∇✧)╯ FILLED WITH GLEE! In a month's time. Sailor Moon S: The Movie and Sailor Moon SuperS: The Movie will be back in theaters! Every time I check my email, I see the tickets and think to myself..."how lucky am I?" QUITE! Chibi moon

by **Lerena** Wed Jun 27, 2018 10:46 am

I feel like a different person, except I'm not a different person and I'm just functioning better. The only problem is I'm still too much of a wimp to use those eye drops and my eyes are still red. Maybe I should see an eye doctor.

by **Bluholic711** Wed Jul 11, 2018 11:46 pm

Tired but satisfied.

by **Luu Sky Sapphire** Thu Jul 26, 2018 2:23 pm

Feeling a bit hungry! I just got off my long shift, and now I'm prepared to consume anything, including my keyboard! Kuroch

by **ShadowMikoto** Fri Jul 27, 2018 11:59 pm

I'm feeling Thankful. Thankful for a number of things. I'm thankful for my existence in this world. I'm thankful for the friends that I do have IRL, even though I only have a few. I am thankful for my family and my families health and wellness. I am thankful for my education, I am thankful that I am employed full-time, I am thankful for anime, and that I was able to uncover a lot of my most special and cherished anime when I went back to that thrift store to see if I could find them and buy them back. I am thankful for my mother. Her care for me and her love for me means everything to me. I could probably never express how thankful I am to her in just words alone. I am just thankful for my parents, for their support and love. I am thankful for the Mai-series, among other great Original classics. They have brought a lot of entertainment and joy over the years. Overall I am just thankful that I can see and sense a sliver of light for my future, that despite how dark things have gotten in the past, I always come through it stronger. I am just very thankful for the opportunity to grow and become a better and happier person. And I am just thankful right now for Mai-Multiverse, a place in which I am able to express all this thankfulness! Mikoto Minagi

by **Lerena** Sun Aug 26, 2018 2:31 pm

8/26: I feel like I need a massage or something. My neck feels a bit sore and it aches a bit when I turn my head to the right. I'm probably going to tell a doctor about it, because I've already been seeing a doctor about wtf is causing me to stub my toe so frequently. I'd like to stop making follow-up appointments, but I have other complaints.

For example, I'm pretty confident I have an eating disorder. I want to get a diagnosis, because for some reason, I've somehow gone this long without one. Unfortunately, my eating disorder has a name that's difficult to remember, so I might have to write it down. I'm not choosing to be a picky eater. If I could, I'd eat like everyone else.

9/2: My doctor's advice was basically, "eat things." Uh, thanks. If "eating things" was enough, I wouldn't have needed to bring up the topic of potentially having an eating disorder. At this point, it seems more likely that I'll randomly want to eat cucumbers than get professional input that sounds like my problem has been properly acknowledged as a problem. Clearly, it doesn't sound like I'm able to get help with my eating disorder given the utter disregard for my struggles by both professionals and everyone else. She didn't bother asking me what eating disorder I think I have. I'm actually pretty annoyed.

@ Luu: Your icon is covering up the first letter of each line of your posts. I can usually tell what letter the icon is covering up, but it's distracting.

by **ShadowMikoto** Sun Sep 02, 2018 11:08 pm

I'm feeling like I definitely have two sides of my personality. The side of me that is cheerful and goal-oriented, and then the side of me that is like a darker Alter-Ego of myself. When I say darker, I don't necessarily mean some sinister plot on my part to take over the world, though that is definitely on my mind some of the time Wink

The darker Alter-Ego is more like a side of me that deals with a more depressive and empty side of me from an emotional perspective.

Usually if not always, I feel a haze or a smog of depressiveness that is always looming with me. Sometimes it's' more sad than actual depression. Other times it just feels like a hole in my chest. The only benefit I see from this side of me is that it helps me reflect on how I am feeling from the innermost part of my being. Whereas when I'm experiencing cheerfulness. I am normally, or even typically, just too caught up in the care-free moment, to really be bothered by digging deep within my thoughts.

As for my current feeling. I'm feeling kind of neutral at the moment. But I know I am going to feel less happy the the more I draw closer to work. Lately I've been experiencing ... well it's not exactly a new feeling ... but yeah, I've been feeling quite a lot of work-related ... work-place ... depression. But at the same time I'm thankful for the structure that it gives me, and of course, the money! :3

I think I need to try to learn ways to stabilize my feelings so that I'm not going from happy to depressed based on conditions like work.

by **Luu Sky Sapphire** Tue Sep 18, 2018 4:23 pm

Feeling good! We're having a lobster dinner tonight! What we cannot decide on is what to watch. After hearing about the extremely negative reaction towards The Predator, I'm prepared to go through the suffering. I'm forever grateful to the Kodi app. Without it, we'd all waste hard earned cash on shitty films...

Lerena wrote:@ Luu: Your icon is covering up the first letter of each line of your posts. I can usually tell what letter the icon is covering up, but it's distracting.

Hahaha! I know, and no matter what I do, it doesn't fit to size. I'll be changing it soon!

by **ookamidesu** Sat Jan 19, 2019 6:41 pm

I feel like writing, but words escape me.

by **ShadowMikoto** Fri Jan 25, 2019 3:42 pm

I feel like reading manga until my eyes turn into spirals! XD

by **ShadowMikoto** Tue Jun 11, 2019 1:59 pm

Wellz, I'm actually feeling a lot better these days. I was basically out of commission for the longest time because I was on some heavy anti anxiety medication at the time that was kinda just pressing me down a lot, and making me feel just deadened inside.

Still on the stuff, because lower dosages of it still curb off some of the more unwanted feelings, but I'm feeling just better in general on this lower dose because I feel lighter and more talkative/connected with people, etc. :)

by **Break String SpinElf** Tue Mar 31, 2020 5:13 am

Wow. Long time since I was here.
Hope everyone's safe and healthy given the COVID-19 situation.

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