Corrupt-a-Wish

GRANTED, but they all must have the face of Shia Labeouf

I wish for a bottle of Ginger Beer and some chinese food

Granted, but they were stolen by the Cake Orphan who mistook them for dessert. Now Akira Okuzaki wants to know it's whereabouts.

I wish everyone's imaginary friends were real...

granted, this included the annoying ones and the evil ones, in fact there are so many that we can't feed or even house them, humanity is wiped out by our own delusions to make way for Drop Dead Fred's new empire

I wish I could understand what drove a man like Caligula

Granted. Now, you must emulate his excesses more effectively.

I wish I could journey on a magic carpet...

WISH GRANTED...but you're all alone. Nobody to show the world to. Lack of Jasmine made your face morph into Forever Alone Guy. Side effect of my heavily flawed magic...

I wish Trumpcare gets destroyed before it even becomes a thing.

*Someone whispers into my left ear*

HOLY SHIT! REALLY?! *A* MY WISH WAS GRANTED ALREADY!!!!!!!!!

Captain Obvious here to inform you that your wish, oh Gakuenchou, has been granted.

Break String SpinElf here to conjure images of President Trump in a very, very short nurse's uniform carrying a thermometer and coquettishly suggesting it's time for your bedbath.

I wish... I hadn't wrote that. My EYES!!! it could be Christmas every day.

Break String SpinElf wrote:
I wish... I hadn't wrote that. My EYES!!! it could be Christmas every day.

I WISH YOU HADN'T, EITHER. THERE IS NO RECOVERING FROM THIS!

Granted, but now you're stuck with Christmas of 2017 on an endless loop. It will end up being one of the most miserable days of your life: The girlfriend you nabbed during the summer will break up with you, the U.K. will sink into the ocean because Putin thought it was a good idea to use our Brit friends as an "example and finally, the people behind the Mai-HiME live action movie in America decided that Scarlett Johansson would be perfect in the role of Mai Tokiha. Continuing her mission of whitewashing anime shows for the dumb American audience...

Boy, I wish Nintendo would start working for Sony and Microsoft. The Nintendo Switch tablet MELTS in the toaster slot! Time to hang up the ol' Mario hat.

GRANTED. Now all future Playstations and PCs come with an expanded Breath of the Wild, with all your favourite glitches and weekly updates which literally take days to download and install despite their minuscule size. Any attempts to uninstall this latest epic adventure of Link result in a multitude of crashes, BSODs and, yes, toaster slot-style melting events.

I wish I was the next James Bond.

Granted! But...somehow...someone else's impossible wish was granted instead! Idris Elba is the new James Bond. >:3 Because how else can a black person be cast as Bond?!

I wish cucumbers were less scary. :'''3

Granted. But now all cucumbers resemble Hello Kitty in a discomforting way. Salads will never be the same again and cucumber sandwiches will be banned by every Vegetarian Society throughout the world.

I wish my head would stop hurting.

Granted, but the headache gets transferred to someone else through physical contact.

I wish for a dragon.

Granted. Now, all your winters will be toasty & warm. In the "burning at the stake" sense of the term.

I wish I could burrow into the earth like a bunny rabbit.

Granted. However, the hole is so deep you end up locating the underworld.

I wish for a hot-spring in my backyard.

Granted. Of course, with the hot springs come other signs of vulcanism: there are lava flows on the lawn; a huge, steaming crater where once there was a fish pond; and, of course, your neighbourhood is constantly being visited by evil masterminds & their entourages seeking the prime real estate which calderas represent for the development of secret bases.

I wish I could travel through time.

Granted. But, you end up traveling so far back that you start to slowly cease to exist. The time portal gets burned out due to overuse.

I wish I had the power to control the elements.

Granted. Your newly-found powers do not, however, go unnoticed: in addition to the evil masterminds with attendant entourages vying for *ahem* "mining rights" in the caldera in your backyard, various agencies from within the US intelligence community, as well as representatives of various foreign powers, are now harassing you night & day. First, it starts with the sweeteners: come and work for the [insert name here] and get access to high-end IT equipment, top-of-the-line espresso machines, the works.... then, when you hem & haw for too long, the threats start. People rooting through your bins, mysterious power outages, black helicopters, completely unsubtle one-way tickets to Area 51...

I wish I had eyes in the back of my head.

GRANTED! Now you can all those responsible for kicking your ass. Literally! Those damn bum kickers! WITH THEIR SHINY BOOTS MADE IN AUSTRALIA!

I wish grass was red instead.

Granted. But, you'll be seeing red in all of nature.

I wish I could control weather.

Granted. However, the price you must pay for the energy is your volition.

I wish my ears would work.

GRANTED. But since your ears work a little too good, you'll be able to overhear things you don't want to hear. Like right now, you're listening to the sounds of a man in Switzerland having his genitalia licked by a goat.

I wish that Haruka Suzushiro can actually WIN a Student Council election this time! Haha!