Garderobe Militia [CRACK]

Chapter One: Love, Garderobe Militia

“This is taking too long. Hey Aoi, where the hell is that kid Jack?” An irritated officer asked her favourite Master Sergeant, Senoh Aoi. “How the fuck will I know, ask him!” The Master Sergeant scowled and the Major smacked her on her head. “Drag his ass back here, NOW you bitch.”

Aoi just glared at her lovely superior’s ass and smirked, “Fine you WHORE.” Chie Hallard gave a sex-glare and kicked the woman out of her office. Pushing her specs up, she walked towards the window and took out a pair of binoculars, looking at the female recruits training below. ‘Ooooh look at HER ASS!! Fuck, Aoi should go get her ass done like her. She’ll need that blondie’s boobs too.’ Before the sex deprived Major could take down more notes the said person crashed into her office, blowing up a gigantic hole in the wall and holding onto the pants of a man. “Got him her, Major Sexy-Ass. Now about that promise…” Hallard spun around and scowled, “Never promised anything, Senoh. Now get the hell out of my office,” the Major whips out a rifle, “before I stick this up your vagina and shoot. Why on fanfiction universe would you blow a fucking hole into my wall!?”

“Fanfiction what? Whatever. FUCK ME YOU BITCH!” Aoi screamed at her superior, dropping the guy’s pants and tackling the Major to the ground. She whipped out a knife and slashed off the buttons on her uniform then tore it open, revealing a very busty chest covered by a black lacy bra. The Sergeant licked her lips and tried to remove the bra unsuccessfully which made Hallard punch her in the face. “HEY be careful with that! DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY NIGHTS I SPENT WITH KRUGER TO STEAL IT?! HECK, SHE ALMOST KILLED ME IF NOT FOR VIOLA WHO RAN OUT OF HER CLOSET IN HER SEXY LINGERIE AND HAD A PANTIE OVER HER HEAD AND WAS SCREAMING FOR BLOODY FUCKING SEX.” And the Major kicked the Sergeant out of the window and she landed on the passing Colonel, Ahn Lu, who dragged unconscious Aoi back to her office for some hot steamy sex.

“Now that the bitch is taken care of, give me the report bastard.” Chie stood up and crossed her arms, death-glaring. “I DIDN’T RAP- Wait you mean the mission report? Here.” The man, Jack, gave a flimsy file covered in who-knows-what-the-hell-is-that and Chie snatched it and read it, walking towards the window. “Grand Duke Nagi, 21, was discovered to have used his younger sister Arashi dai Artai, 12, as a sex slave and got her pregnant. He is currently in a Jacuzzi with his whores mistresses and left Arashi in their love-making room. Captain Greer is now leading her team to-” “Get off me, Sergeant First Class Jack.” The Sergeant stuck himself to the Major’s back and his right hand explores the front of the Major. “Oh Major Hallard! Why so serious?” Jack whispered into the ear of the irritated Major, who elbowed him hard and made him kneel in pain. “I’m busy, Sergeant Jack. If you want sex so much just get Tate here and take his ass.” “Awww why can’t you just-” “I’M FUCKING BUSY, ASSHOLE. GET THE HELL OUT OF MY OFFICE BEFORE I STICK THE RIFLE UP YOUR ASS.” “Kinky.” Jack whistled and the Major gave a serious death glare, resisting the urge to fire a bullet up his ass and kicked him out.

“Captain Greer is now leading her team to arrest Grand Duke Nagi.” “Oh I couldn’t care less.” Hallard crushed the report into a ball and threw it out of the window, hitting one of the recruits, Private Tsukidate Chiyo, in the face and knocked her unconscious with a bleeding nose. ‘What the hell is a maid-girl doing here anyway, damn.’ She walked out of the office and heard all kinds of sex noises everywhere. She rolled her eyes and yawned, walking towards the lobby and bumped into Colonel Shizuru Viola. “HEY ARE YOUR EYES SMALLER THAN YOU TITS YOU BI- Oh hey Viola.” The Major gave an awkward grin when she noticed a slight twitch on the other woman’s face, making her smile a little too wide. “Ara, Major Hallard, how nice to see you alive and well. I’m sure Natsuki hasn’t tried to kill you yet? After all…” Colonel Viola’s wine coloured eyes dropped down to see Hallard’s exposed chest in Lieutenant Colonel Natsuki Kruger’s bra. “Nah, she won’t kill me. I’m too perfect for that to happen.” Smiled confidant Hallard. “CHIE FAGGOT HALLARD I’LL KILL YOU!!” A crazed Natsuki flew towards the Major from nowhere and aimed her pistol at Hallard’s head. The bullet would have blown up her brain instantly, if not for the Major holding a human shield in the form of an unconscious Private Tsukidate Chiyo who was brought in on a stretcher. “Oh well. There goes the maid girl.” Hallard commented as the dead girl fell to the ground with the remains of her brain matter leaking out of the bullet holes. “What’s your business with me, Kruger?” Hallard asked as she calmly wiped some splattered grey matter off her face with a handkerchief. “My bra, Hallard. GIVE ME BACK MY FREAKING BRA! SHIZURU GAVE IT TO ME!” The Lieutenant Colonel whined, “OH ELSE… OH ELSE I’LL BED YOU!! AND SHIZURU! YOU WOULDN’T MIND RIGHT SHIZURU?” “Mah.” Was the Colonel’s reply. “Try me.” The Major smirked and ran off in the direction of the training recruits. “Damn that faggot Hallard.” “Did you want a threesome that badly, Natsuki? I could always invite Private Yuuki to join us…” “Oi Shizuru!”


A/N: I don’t know what the hell’s with this fic and the storyline. This was born after a random discussion with Jack, who likes Hallard a lot but couldn’t bed her coz she’s an otome. So far there’s an Ahn Lu having sex, a dead Private, a Kruger out for Hallard’s blood and a stolen bra. Any opinions? :] Please share some.

I'm getting back into the fanfiction game with reviews and yours happen to be the shortest of the ones I've been missing lately. Before I get to Kona and Dash's works, I do have a few opinions concerning this.

*ahem* Is it wrong to admit I love fourth wall jokes? The member Jack is the focus, whilst mentioning fanfiction in the middle of screaming female patrol units and superiors? The concept is ridiculous and fun. :) Give Anh and Hallard more to do *together* and you have yourself a keeper.

At Garderobe Militia, we take bed wetters and turn them into panty wetters. <3

Luu Sky Sapphire wrote:I'm getting back into the fanfiction game with reviews and yours happen to be the shortest of the ones I've been missing lately. Before I get to Kona and Dash's works, I do have a few opinions concerning this.

*ahem* Is it wrong to admit I love fourth wall jokes? The member Jack is the focus, whilst mentioning fanfiction in the middle of screaming female patrol units and superiors? The concept is ridiculous and fun. :) Give Anh and Hallard more to do *together* and you have yourself a keeper.

At Garderobe Militia, we take bed wetters and turn them into panty wetters. <3

The concept's craaaaaaaazy XD

Saeko-mama approves of your opinions