The Darnest Things [Mai-HiME]

With all this talk lately about penises, I figured this would fit. But don't worry, no one with lady parts magically gains one. Just read.
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“Mommy, I have to go potty.” A little boy, age of six, whined.

The brunette woman looked up from her book, “Honey, Uncle-Reito's using the shower right now, can you hold it until he gets out?” She spoke softly.

The boy did a dance and made a show of grabbing himself, “No!” He yelled, his green eyes started to become watery with tears, “I have to go now, mommy!”

“Honey...” His mother trailed off.

Another woman with darker hair peeked out of the kitchen, “What's wrong?” She asked.

The little boy turned towards his new hope, “Momma! I have to go pee-pee!!” He cried, still doing his dance.

“Then...go?” His other mother told him and gestured the kitchen knife in her hand towards the bathroom.

“Natsuki, Reito's in the shower right now.” The brunette woman protested.

“So what? They're both guys, it's not like it makes a difference, Shizuru.” Natsuki argued indifferently.

Shizuru sighed heavily, “Fine. Come on, Shin.” She told him as she got off the couch and guided her son to the bathroom.

She opened the door a just enough to peek her head in, then knocked on the wooden door to catch the man's attention. “Reito?”

Inside the foggy room, she could make out his shadow from behind the shower curtain, “Shizuru?” A deep voice called.

“Do you mind if Shin uses the bathroom really quick?” She asked.

“Not at all.” Reito answered casually.

Shizuru bent down to Shin's height, “Do you need me to come help you?”

The little blonde boy shook his head, “No, mommy, I can do it.” He told her and then tried to push her back towards the living room.

The woman laughed at the boy's antics, “Alright, alright.” She said, putting her hands up in the air to show her defeat. Her son gave her a defiant look, to make sure she was really leaving, before he slipped into the bathroom and shut the door.

Shizuru smiled fondly as she made her way back to the living room. As soon as she sat down with her book, Natsuki plopped down next to her.

“Natsuki, you know you don't have to wear your apron and carry around your knife the house every time you cook dinner...” Shizuru remarked as she gestured to the other woman's attire.

“I know that...I just...” Natsuki trailed off. “So. Shin doesn't need his mommy to help him pee anymore?” The green-eyed woman spit out quickly, more than likely switching the subject to avoid answering the previous question.

Shizuru smiled as she realized what her lover was doing, but said nothing, “So it seems. They grow up so fast.”

“I know it...” Natsuki sighed as she leaned against her wife's arm.

Their moment was interrupted as their son came out of the bathroom followed by Reito, who was pulling his shirt down over his torso.

“Mommy...” Shin called, catching Shizuru's attention.

“Yes, baby?” She replied fondly.

“Do you have hair on your penis like Uncle-Reito?” He asked innocently.

Both women let their jaws fall, their eyes went wide and shock caused their vocal cords to stop working. Reito's laughter was the only thing to be heard.

Finally, Natsuki found her voice, “What!?”

At this point, Shin was looking between Reito, who was doubled over in laughter, and his mother, who seemed a less enthusiastic, and trying to decide if he should laugh or hide.

“Reito!” Shizuru scolded, “Did you teach him that?!” The man's laughter grew louder and Shizuru took that as a yes.

Reito's laughter started to die down gradually, he inhaled deeply several times to regain the ability to speak. “That was too good...”

“Do you, mommy?” Shin piped up.

“You better fix this.” Natsuki growled at Reito, she added, “Now.”

“He's not asking me, he's asking Shizuru.” The man said with a smile as he gestured to the woman with her face in her hands.

The brunette looked up, “Uncle-Reito can explain better than I can, baby.”

With that, the boy turned around and looked to Reito with curious doe-eyes. The man let out a sheepish laugh.

“Go ahead, Reito, set him straight.” Shizuru uttered condescendingly.

Reito bent down to the boy's height, he cleared his throat. “See, Shin...Uhm, mommy's don't have...” He trailed off.
“Hair on their penises?” The little boy naively verbalized. From behind, Natsuki let out a chuckle at Reito's predicament.

“No...Mommies don't have....penises...” He threw out the end of his sentence rather hastily.

“What do mommies have?” Shin asked as he tilted his head.

Reito's eyes widened and looked at the two women on the couch for help. His silent plead for help was met with smug faces. Deciding to just man-up and tell the boy straight out, Reito cleared his throat once more.

“Mommies....have...you know...Other things.” The man struggled for words.

“What are they called, Uncle-Reito?” Natsuki mocked.

Reito's right eye visibly twitched, “Uh...Well...” He began thinking of way to avoid anymore conversation of the subject. Honestly, it was a parent's job to give their kid the talk, not his, right? “I don't know!” He exclaimed, shrugging his shoulders.

Shin shook his head, “Uncle-Reito, they're called 'vaginas'.”

Everyone became silent...and disturbed.

The little boy put his hand on Reito's shoulder, mimicking an adult, and said, “It's okay, Auntie says you've never seen any, she said you might not know what they are.”

Reito's mouth dropped, Shizuru put her hands to her mouth in shocked amusement and Natsuki's insane laughter filled the room.

He just got burned and played by a six-year-old, and who's to blame?

“Nao...” Reito mumbled as he shook his fist.


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This is based on reality. When Kenzie was 5 or 6, she went in the bathroom while my friend, Shelley, was showering. Minutes later, she comes out with Shelley following behind her and she goes, "Kara, do you have hair on your penis like Shelley?" Hahahahaha.

I was talking to Shelley a few days ago about it and apparently, she had stepped out of the shower to get a towel while Kenzie was on the toilet and Kenzie just cupped her mouth, gasped and went, "You grow hair there?!"

That was just too good, Kara. XD I laughed so hard.

LMAO! The ending was EPIC! Just goes to show that inspiration from non-fiction makes things more entertaining. :3 You nicely morphed it into a Mai-HiME one shot, kudos! Thanks for sharing, Kara. Great comeback for your writing. I missed it so. :(

o.o I can't decide whether to laugh or be disturbed! Well, actually I'm doing both at the same time but still! Trust Nao to say something which'll cause chaos though!

But PsychoKat101... your signature... it is...

AMAZING! I can't stop laughing at it each time I see it! Lol! Must. Save. nao!

Right, that does it, I'm going to try and upload one of my own FanFictions onto here, since the people on FanFiction.NET just consume stories, favourite everything but are mute >_>

Entwined Lunatic Wolvetta wrote:Right, that does it, I'm going to try and upload one of my own FanFictions onto here, since the people on FanFiction.NET just consume stories, favourite everything but are mute >_>

LOL Mai-HiME/Otome diehards on FF only favorite the popular names. Just post your stories here, you'll make a better name for yourself. I see you already uploaded one! *bounce* Schweet! :D

Ah, perhaps, perhaps! I've been around FanFiction since I was 12 >_> When... I found yuri, pfft; recently its being getting VERY terrible though. The type of stories... the people, its just. Eww. I'M STAYING HERE! >_> I'll be able to roleplay Tomoe more anyway!

Entwined Lunatic Wolvetta wrote:Ah, perhaps, perhaps! I've been around FanFiction since I was 12 >_> When... I found yuri, pfft; recently its being getting VERY terrible though. The type of stories... the people, its just. Eww. I'M STAYING HERE! >_> I'll be able to roleplay Tomoe more anyway!

I've been a spectator on Fanfiction.net since 2002 or 2003, I think. I can't read most of the stories on there nao. Not only DON'T I have time, most of the stories are pretty nasty. ^^; At least our writers here can write something brutal and kinky, yet CLEVER. Not blatant garbage like what I've seen.

XD Just so you know, we have a RP section in case you missed it. Start any kind of RP you want, or join our current ones. You ARE Tomoe after all, just like Hollowed-Words is Natsuki. ;p

Yes, yes... the more Hol-I mean Kruger is around the more I'll get to terrorise her! My love to Shizuru Oneesama is supreme! She'll never win against me!

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But ah, I've had a look at the role playing forums already, I actually prefer the type without story narrative so I'll probably be creating a new topic thing or whatever!

Eish, by the way, I've started a Touhou topic >_> How many links are you allowed to have with each reply because I think I've gone over the top with explaining what Touhou is lol...

But anyway, once again Kara, great story! I hope to see more from you!

Entwined Lunatic Wolvetta wrote:But ah, I've had a look at the role playing forums already, I actually prefer the type without story narrative so I'll probably be creating a new topic thing or whatever!

Eish, by the way, I've started a Touhou topic >_> How many links are you allowed to have with each reply because I think I've gone over the top with explaining what Touhou is lol...

That's fine! Get as many people to join too! I would join in, but it's probably a no-boys-allowed story, huh? ;p

Yeah I saw your Touho thread! I'll post there sometime. You can have as many links as possible with each reply post. :)

No guys? o.O I don't mind at all lol, it isn't exactly about gender really, besides, from what I've been reading around this site you are apparently a good Reito 'voice' or whatever. There are a few male characters after all! Although Reito is probably the only decent one >_>

Ha, that is good then! I don't know how many people here who know Touhou, but I sure as hell want more people to fall in love with it as well >_>

That was EPIC!!!!! XD I laughed so hard that my parents thought I was crazy. Trust Nao to teach a little boy about that :D